you dunno me

2007-08-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

DEREVOLI@LIVEJOURNAL

2007-06-30T08:43:00.001-07:00

someday i will use back this blog

2007-06-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

somehow i feel the urge to switch back to blogger.
call me fickle minded.

2007-05-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

BYEBYE

2007-05-19T05:18:00.001-07:00

time to change.
舍不得，但还是要离开了。

2007-05-12T22:36:00.000-07:00

oh mans!
my blog is back!
shld i switch to lj or continue with this blog?
argh!i dont know:/

anyway,i finally made my specs!:D
rarr.

so should i switch or not?

shall go and mug soon.

im so so so looking forward to momo!:DDD

2007-05-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

today hasnt been a good day

i rather not talk about it though.

although i dont know what happened,but i'll be here

2007-05-07T05:18:00.001-07:00

today's "zinger session " was <3!

sometimes i really dont know why,but it feels so good just hanging around with them,even only doing simple stuff like eating kfc!HAHA.

THE TWO OF THEM REALLY ROCK MY SOCKS OFF!

i hope we will have more time to spend tgt!:]
try to keep your mondays free okay?
IT SHALL BE ZINGER DAY!:DDD

okay,it seems weird to be saying this type of things to people whom i see everyday!LOL.but ohwells,at times when we are all busy with different stuff,its great to be able to spend time like this:D

anyway,to the SOMEONE whom i know you will be seeing this:D
im really thankful for your eh,encouragement.
you made me feel like crying la,stupid woman!:/
i guess maybe i just feel very...touched?
or maybe ive been trying to hide my emotions for quite some time le.
its really really great that we are still you know,friends.
as in those type of real friends.
im glad we still find it easy to talk to each other.
outing soon k?
we must go out after my production!
and just for your simple words,i will believe that miracles do happen:]

those people made my day
even my screwed chi paper does not seem so bad now:]

and now its time for physics.

2007-05-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

oh damn it.
the whole chunk of stuff that i spent so long typing is gone

i just hate this feeling.

whenever im on my way up,i will just fall in again.
it sucks you know.
i feel silly for thinking about those things.

i give up.

im not ready.at all.
in fact,this is the worst year i had so far.
so many things not done
so little time
will we get there at the end of the day?
i dont know
and i dont want to know.
im scared.
what if,all the efforts we put in boil down to nothing?
judging from the situation now,
nothing can be for sure.
to be honest,how many of you actually think that we are ready?

its not a matter of believing or not.
we have to be realistic.

3 weeks,
21 days.

stop behaving as if we have all the time in the world.

she said,no matter how much time we have,or how little,its still time and things can still be done.even if its one day,or even a few hours,we can also make the best out of it.

i shall use it as my motto for now.

im not jealous.
just hoping that things can go that well for us for once.

ive been thinking about what she said
and im not sure too.
am i going that way just because everyone else ard me is doing that and im expected to do that,
or is it because of what i really want.
somehow,external pressure always stands.

in a few months time,the only thing left will be a bye.

what am i still thinking about that?
im not the wishy-washy type
or maybe,i wasnt.

do you even care?
im sorry.i know i suck to be even thinking about it.

the following 21 days are more important.
at least for now.

2007-05-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

read through some chemistry notes plus went through chem SPA
progress is not bad i guess.

tmr is a time to chionggg

PHYSICS AND EMATHS.
i want at least a B for both.

《安宁》
你的背影让我失去了理性
你的放弃让我迷失了自己
你的离去就像刺青永远烙印在我的心
是如此痛而如此的美丽
我努力的想哭泣却哭不出泪滴
一次又一次的灰心才发现早已麻痹
终于发现自己已经不在乎你
原来分手也能如此安宁

enough for the day
time to have some time for relaxation
goodnight the world

2007-05-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

was about to blog about this last night,but my mood was ruined by something.

anyway,gonna quote from mons

huahui is not about achieving & winning, it's about the spirit. We often make decisions which seems stupid & ridiculous to other, but behind all those, it's because of the things we believe in. That everyone deserves a chance even if they are not the best. Even when everything seems impossible, we never stop trying.

its really true.things that we do are often not understood by other people.
but we continue on anyway.
是那份执著
那份外人不可能理解的执著。
although i cannot say that everyone has the passion for what we are doing
but at least,i can still see people who are
and i guess thats good enough.

if not we definitely will not be hanging on till now.
every year,the time and effort we put in for qihang is so much that i cannot believe it myself too.
many times i feel really tired and unable to continue on,but strangely,i will always find the strength to carry on somehow.

这么多的努力换来的是启航当天无法形容的感动。

maybe a lot of people cannot understand why we will cry on qihang,
but its just the weird emotion that is so overwhelming that it cannot be control

and you really need to be committed in order to experience it.

i won bother to hide my disappointments
my disappointment in seeing huahui getting less and less bonded
seeing more and more people getting uninterested in huahui
seeing less and less people who are really passionate about huahui

是一种心灰的感觉

if this continues on,i guess huahui will just collapse one day.
and guess what,the day won be far from now.

i suddenly miss the old cldds a lot
huahui used to be pretty small and pathetic in size
but we had the spirit that is so lacking now
things are like so different now.
i dont deny i wish we could be how we were in the past
its not the merger,really.

if you force people into doing things that they dont like,
results will never be good.
unless the people make an effort and try to be interested in what they need to do.

what more can i say?
its less than 1 month to stepping down.

无论多执著，始终得放下。

and i realised passion can wear off too.
all the things that we believe in,all the passion and love,
i really wonder how long that will last.

2007-05-05T06:07:00.001-07:00

22 days to QIHANG.

paiju was rather productive today!:D
yay!we can do it!WE MUST:]

went to ikea with mons aft paiju
had fun walking around like aunties carrying the BIG BIG ikea yellow bags plus giant plastic bags!
HAHA.
i like ikea's hotdogs!:]
more or less settled qihang presents already.
YAY.call us efficient:D
but im like quite broke now and still got some not settled yet :(

anyway,today is a overall good day!:DD
lots of smilies in this post so its good:]

she told me 你也是个念旧的人
希望那些回忆你也在珍惜。。。

2007-05-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

quite a few days never blog le.
thats like a record for me.haha!

okay.shall start from MONDAY

went to KFC aft maths remedial with dear mons.
zinger=<3!
it was good:]

she was blushing because of SOMETHING:X

TUESDAY was labour day.
paiju was...
lots of mosquitos everywhere!:(

black XWEI!

and white LAYS!

tweety wasnt there.haha!

so i took a series of photos of her in the following paiju!

caught unawared!:D

doesnt she looks like shes doing some dance moves?HOHO.

and ju recess today!:]
quite cool except the fact that im like one of the few who were high!HAHA.
anyway,its good.maybe we can have one more before qihang!:DD

paiju tmr!hope it will be good!:D
and ikea with mons after that!RARR.*excited*

honestly,i cannot see whats wrong.
do you mind enlightening me or something?
i dont understand why things are well,kind of awkwardd between us now.
is it you?or maybe its me.
then i guess you should just let me know whats wrong.
i hate it when you,or rather,we all try to act as if nothing has happened,but yet it just seems so fake,cause apparently we all know that something happened.
sometimes i dont really get it when you expect everyone to put you as their top priority
have i ever been your top priority?
cant you see that your way of handling friendships is sometimes just so damn unfair?

im determined to study like mad this weekend!HOHO.
things to do:
-eng mind map
-chem assignment
-study maths
-study physics
-study chem SPA

tests next week:
emaths.
physics.
chem spa.

i MUST DO WELL.
ROARS

im controlling

2007-05-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

okay,just read mons blog and what she said kind of touched me.

so today was election for huahui EXCO 08'

it felt a bit weird sitting in the front row again and it feels rather sad to realise that we are all leaving very soon

i guess we have something very different from the other ccas.
***
no.you dont understand.you really dont.

2007-04-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

just realised i havent had an "emo" post for quite some time already

sometimes i wonder,maybe you are still there.
no matter how hard ive been trying to tell myself no,
to tell myself that its time for you to go
you are still there
it feels silly to be holding on to something that i never had

and no,its not the time to be emo
im happy with the life i have now
the life without you
the life with many small imperfections.
but i guess its these imperfections that can go me going
working harder to get what i really want
and making my life a tad more "perfect" in that sense.
im glad i know what i want.

突然在想，当我把每天的经历划成文字记录在这里时，那些划成文字的经历在我心里还会深刻吗？

i guess im still troubled by that topic

2007-04-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

looked through my previous post
felt pretty zi lian cause almost all the pictures posted have me only!
HAHA:]

paiju today was :X
only my ju people plus some other ppl will know!HAHA.

went for lunch with mum after that
walked around and i finally bought the macbeth guidebook!
shall be studious and go start on it soon:]

today is the first saturday without bai se ju ta!
im so sad:(

RARR.

some pictures taken quite some time ago

esti,xwei,mingee and me!

one more!

pepper lunch!:]

2007-04-28T01:01:00.000-07:00

this whole post shall be in blue!

breakfast-ed with mons in the morning before going for lessons
saw ser they all and sort of had a "combined" breakfast.HAHA!
lessons were pretty boring.
mrs khor was very funny
stoned and talked to ser most of the time while trying to memorise the house cheer.
lunched with the mons and esti was <3!
we walked around for damn long before we finally decided on what to eat!
haha!

yummy!:]

they love to make me look as if i finished ALL the food:X

cannot believe my last sports day is already over!
so blue didnt win in the end but im damn damn damn happy that we won the house cheer!
:]
its like at first i think our house cheer sucks cause during the practices everyone was very soft and everything...
but we still did it!:D
i thought blue was pretty dramatic yesterday
apparently due to the rain,the specs stand was wet and we got seperated
some were sitting at the part of specs stand which didnt get wet while some were gathered outside the sci labs
then they suddenly announced that its blue's turn for house cheer!
we ran all the way from the sci labs passing by everyone else
i felt that it was pretty cool.HAHA!
and so we did our house cheer seperately.some were at the specs stand while some were below the specs stand.
i literally screamed my lungs out!i thought we were rather loud and for that moment when we finally finished,i felt really proud of blue house:]

the rest of the sports day was fine.
went to find jiayi!:]

RARR.we both can scream REAL loudly.lol

went to kfc after that with mons and xwei!:D

YES!MY ZINGER!!!

nah,none of the food were eaten by me cause i had to be home for dinner:(

the poor me only had a sip of drink:(

SPASTIC!-grins- (my teeth looks yellow here for some unknown reasons:/)

anyway,that marks the end of the day!
home sweet home after that with xwei.
i love longg bus rides:]

2007-04-26T07:16:00.001-07:00

i feel like blogging
yet theres like nothing to talk about
RARR
sports day tmr
not really looking forward to it but ohwells,thats what i ALWAYS say before sports day
last sports day in st nicks
got reminded of something esti and i talked about last time
i guess the occasion when the sn spirit is the strongest is always sports day
hope i will enjoy it in the end.
still have lessons in the morning!:(
but am looking forward to breakfast with SOMEONE
i know shes like excited too!:D
oh.and not to forget lunch!
im looking forward to that too!:D

today is an okay day
finally we were pretty productive:]
and i learnt how to play zuijin on piano!<3
and f.y.i
i dont know how to play piano one OKAY.
proud of myself -grins-

im getting a little high for no rhyme of reason
but im very tired at the same time
okay,im talking crap.

byebye

“真正的勇气是用来追求那种最简单的幸福...当我们在这里做我们想做的事，天堂就是我们一伸手就碰到的地方。如果你要幸福，你要坚定地伸出手，去做你想做的事，去爱你身边最爱的人。不要等，因为幸福从来没有离开过，只是你有没有看见。”

2007-04-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

the feeling just came to me very naturally
and it was that overwhelming i got a shock myself

i always hate it when efforts do not equal to results.

as mentioned by xwei,its the unjust feeling.
i guess only we can understand.

dont worry,huahui WILL show all what we are made of
qihang will be so well enough to make everyone's jaws drop.
i really hope so too.

i guess that shall be my motivation

anyway,we got on i weekly for css!
HAHA!
bu kui shi xiao wei de SIAO yuan super-fans!:D

2007-04-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

im just feeling moody

and disappointed and angry and pissed
at myself

i think im not in the position to even care
for some unknown reasons,i was just really concerned
and i guess i cared too much
its not like anyone of you will appreciate me for being concerned
or even notice how much i care.

theres 2.4 tmr
sucks la.i CANNOT run.
i really hate it when people say they cannot run when they actually can.
and for your info,my definition of cannot run means below a C
not when you cannot get your freaking A.
its the same when people say they didnt study for a test when they actually did
like hello?just admit when you got study la.
whats the point of telling people you never study when you did.
its just so annoying.

you just dont give a damn
it hurts when im looking at you but you kan ye bu kan yi yan

we need time together.
its really been ages since we spent time together.

my weekend was great but today is still such a shitty day
it sucks to have so many shitty days in a row.
sometimes i really dont know the reasons for me to hang on.
your expectations seem to be so high
high until its real hard for me to reach

2007-04-23T03:50:00.001-07:00

was a bit emotional last night
thought abt a lot of things and made myself even more confused.

nah,the content cannot be revealed here.

如果我那些自以为很珍贵的回忆对你来说只不过是一段平凡的过往，那我应该怎么办？

someone told me something which i think its kind of true

只要那些回忆对你而言珍贵就好了，为什么连对方也要觉得珍贵呢？
如果连对方都觉得珍贵的话，那些回忆对你而言，还会一样的珍贵吗？

no matter what,我会紧紧握住那些回忆。

《我怀念的》
作词:姚若龙作曲:李偲菘
我问为什么那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅抱得我都痛

我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火最长的相拥
谁爱得太自由谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺

谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手最暖的胸口

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得

太爱了
所以我
没有哭
没有说

anyway,results are STILL not out yet!
dont know whats the problem lah.
so damn slow:X

2007-04-23T00:55:00.001-07:00

cut my hair just now
and its like after dont know much many lousy cuts,
its finally a decent one!:D

photobucket is giving me problems.
i cannot upload pictures!:(

used back my old old opendiary.
i guess thats my really really private diary
will use it for stuff that i cannot post here.

and why arent the results out yet?
its so damn irritating,
like the whole world is waiting for the results and it just refuses to come out
RARR

2007-04-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

just saw something gross
i feel like puking.

HAHA

2007-04-22T21:33:00.000-07:00

i cannot believe it
i actually done joy luck club just now!:D
so proud of myself
woohoo.

白色巨塔is <333!
the ending is so impactful

RARR.im high now because MadGirl is so entertaining.
shes really mad i tell you
when you're gone, says:
* says 'dont scold xuezhen anymore luh, though she's quite disgusting'
when you're gone, says:
mg:'okay' : D
when you're gone, says:
: ((
when you're gone, says:
mg is sad
when you're gone, says:
* cracks a lame joke
when you're gone, says:
mg laughs
when you're gone, says:
huh what im mg no. 2
when you're gone, says:
you were tlaking to my other half just now
when you're gone, says:
hahah
when you're gone, says:
ahhh!
when you're gone, says:
go away
when you're gone, says:
cos * mineeee
when you're gone, says:
haha toot lar, rubbish

what i said are no longer impt
i concluded shes really mad
haha!
wait till i print out the convo and show it to tweety they all
-eveil laughter-

ps:name changed to * to protect privacy and mg=mad girl.she refuses to let me put her name.LOL
MWHAHA

anyway.syf results tmr.
good luck people.

2007-04-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

theres no tests the following week
and im happy:]
monday is a school holiday!
YAY!
although got paiju but its still better than going to school:]

RARR
sport's day is on friday
i have never liked sports day before
but since its like my last year in st nicks,
i shall try to enjoy it.
actually i always say i dont like,but will still end up having fun one la.
lol

super no content.
im bored at home now.
will try to do some work soon

time really passes very quickly
yesterday was over within a blink of eye
like i was beginning to enjoy myself then the day was over already
and its already 2 plus now but i haven done anything the whole day
in fact,i slept through almost half of the day,i woke up at 11.
:/

the only thing to look forward to for the day:
白色巨塔！
yes,i admit im super crazy over it.
its the final episode today
i gonna miss it so much next weekend:(

2007-04-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

i dont like my number of posts
333
EEEKS.such a bad number
i shall blog something to get rid of that number.HAHA

i like long bus rides
sitting alone,thinking about things is good:]
i like.shall find more opportunities to take longg bus rides.

i weekly is funny.
they sorted out quotes from 白色巨塔！
i like.yayness man!:D

"每个人的人生要的东西不一样，不会因为你们两个人在一起就变得一样"

爱情真的不是一切。

2007-04-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

omg omg omg
白色巨塔is so so so nice!
i cannot stop awww-ing about it!
im gonna rewatch it after Os.
definitely:]
just found it on youtube.was so tempted to watch the final episode but decided not to
shall wait till tmr
HOORAY

went to eat pepper lunch with xiaowei,mingee and esti after watching syf!:]
walked around plaza sing after that
and omg,someone is so shuai with the jacket ah!-grins-
mingee and xiaowei left
then esti and i walked all the way to far east just to get our bubble tea!
<3!
the walk was long but it was great!
love talking to you about such "serious"stuff!:]
home aft that and BAISEJUTA!
OH,i better stop before i start again:]

overall,today is a HAPPY day!

mingee and i(or rather,our legs!)

with mingee and esti!(xwei was in toilet)

anyway,im waiting for more pictures!:]

oh,and to all involved in syf,
WELL DONE!
huahui is proud of you all no matter what the results are:]

2007-04-20T07:28:00.001-07:00

was pretty busy the previous few days
and i guess its better not to mention about yesterday

im just pissed because i was trying real hard to progress
but things turned out that way
im sorry if i sound heartless
but i just cannot understand why you can just break down like that.

i dont regret that i showed that i care
because i really do

syf tmr.
huahui's FIRST SYF.
FIRST SYF for chinese drama.
although im not directly involved,i still hope that we can really do our best
cause we ARE HUAHUI:]
i think its the perfect chance to show the school what we are made up of.
to show the school that we should be treated equally as eldds.
im sorry
but i just cannot stand it whenever the school is biased towards a certain cca
and they make it so obvious.
like...ARGH.
although i dont think anyone will get to see this,
but to all those involved in syf,
JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU.
no stress though.you guys are good enough to make everyone's jaws drop
show THEM what we are made of:]

everytime when it comes to things like this,
i will know how much i love huahui
cause i will be like RAH,jin zhang and everything even though it doesnt directly involve me!
suddenly got reminded that i went to watch xiaopin last year too
as well as the finals of the previous year:]
time really passes very fast
and soon it will be qihang then xubie!

i rather not think about the rest of the story.

anyway,to miss lim poh ting,
dont think you will see this,
but dont too stressed la.haha!
look forward to your surprise!:]
jiayou!and bring the stage down:]]

2007-04-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

i shall get out of my happy mood

tons of things waiting for me to do.
lets see,i need to:
pack my spa file,
complete eng report
and study for ss test
before i sleep tonight.
how wonderful
and im determined to do well for my ss no matter what.

recess was funny.
mons complained that i copied her by eating the same thing as her but double the amt.
HAHA!
she had chee kway and 1 siew mai
i had chee kway and 2 siew mais
then she had ru3 dan4 and 20 cents wanton
and i had ru3 dan4 and 40 cents wanton!
i think i rock!:]
haha.its so totally random:X

anyway,before i forget
ANYONE WANTS TO BUY THE NEWEST ISSUE OF I WEEKLY WITH MICHELLE CHIA ON THE COVER PAGE FROM ME?
my sis and i bought two copies accidentally.
RAH.i need to sell it off.
i dont want to waste money:(

《最近》李圣杰
你最近不说话怎么了为什么
是不是有什么事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合却不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

it doesnt really relate to me
just find the lyrics very saddening
it made me emo yesterday:/

guess what?
i was supposed to complete packing my chem spa file and eng report before dinner.
theres less than half an hour left now and im still here

ps:ARGH.my sms appeal to buy i weekly doesnt seem to be working.only 3 replied so far and they are all not interested!:(

2007-04-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

so many things happened yesterday
so many little details that i want to remember forever:]

okay,shall start from the morning.
meet xwei for breakfast,or rather is she watching me eat!
had a sausage mcmuffin with egg!yum yum:]
watching e zuo ju on the train was cool!haha!
reached tpy at 11 plus.felt intimidated by other people
all came in groups except for us.
helped her to prepare and esti arrived!
accompanied her to report and esti and i decided we should make a board for her.
went to buy all the materials but being art-idiots,
we were stuck and din know how to do the board!
HAHA!
anges,lays and charmaine came to our rescue
and the board was finally done. :]

simple,but nice!:]

went down to watch the guys first
the sun was super hot
almost could not see anything except heads,heads and MORE heads.
cheered a bit and sang the SPECIAL song:]
got kind of bored,went upstairs to join lays and esti (i think!)
it was much cooler and the view was better la! :]
stayed there with mons and lays and went down when its the girls' turn.
watched the girls and concluded that they are MUCH MUCH better than the guys!
started getting high before xwei's turn
swayed to the music and made a fool out of ourselves!LOL
cheered super loud for xwei and we were all REALLY proud of her!:]
SHE ROCKS MAN!:]]
went for a break after xwei's turn as all of us were very very tired.
haha!
went to food court
had satay beehoon and popiah with anges and wendy
i still insist I WANT THAT HUM!:(
HAHA!
went down again after that
sat down on the floor,got kind of bored again.
the judges left to confirm the results
they started playing songs and the best part came!
WE ALL SANG TO THE SONGS!haha!
it was damn high and damn crazy but I LOVE IT!:D
after the results were announced,
WE SANG HUI GE!
and also shouted many many cheers!
at that point of time,the results were not impt anymore:]
left for xwei 'qing gong yan' with esti,wendy,anges and of course,XIAOWEI!
haha!
had nice curry rice plus expensive-yet-normal bubble tea:]
all of us were quite high and started talking about how much we love huahui etc etc
HAHA!
went home with xwei after that
and the night officially ended.

-end of narrative post-

had lots of different emotions yesterday
but i guess the strongest one is the huahui spirit
i was so so so proud of all of us who went down
all of us who scream and scream like nobody's business
all of us who managed to attract so much attention!:]
haha!
during the hui ge, i saw everyone really singing their hearts out
and i told myself,THIS is the huahui spirit.
i think many of us have the love for huahui deep inside us
its just that,theres not many opportunities for us to display it
so when we really want to do it,
noone can stop us:]
its really cool to see a bunch of people there doing all sorts of crazy things,
getting REALLY high over stupid things
and you know,its because we are all huahui people:]
im really glad that i chose to come into huahui
its a decision i guess i will never regret:]
***
wendy sent me some pictures yesterday
and oh mans!it made me start to think about bengta again!

mini bengta family!:]

on qihang 2005!

weilao 06'

and lastly,my personal favourite,

<3!:]

and also pingan,

i guess its this two jus that make my huahui life so wonderful
:]

***
notice the number of :]s on my post?
answer: 18!
haha!
i guess i really am happy.
it came to me as a pleasant surprise
i guess it is still not lost:]

now the answer is 19!
HAHA!

2007-04-14T08:38:00.001-07:00

today is such a happy day
had a lot of things to say just now
but just dont know where to start from
haha!
lots of pleasant surprises and thats why today is such an eventful day.
:]
when i was on my way home,i could not help it but smiled to myself
especially when i was looking through the photos:]]

shall start with pictures i guess
details will have to wait till tmr
hopefully i won forget anything!:]

we were amazing!thanks to this batch of people who made my day so wonderful.

another one!WE ROCK MAN!(i think i look nicer here:P)

the craziest thing i have ever done!:X okay.i admit im mad!

before dinner:]

YAY!(: we had to ask a lot of bypassers before someone agreed to help us take!
HAHA

on the way home! (its super blur!:( )

because of us, XIAOWEI became a 家喻户晓 name!:]

and lastly,

the star herself <3!

today/night is so wonderful
i wish time will just stop
and it will not end

2007-04-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

my phone is back!:]
may those erased msgs be an indicator for me to really put down.

had a so so so so so weird dream last night!
haha!:]
its funny and scary at the same time
but i rather not be thinking about it anymore
it really freaks me out:/

chemistry was...bleahs!
im glad its all over though
physics spa tmr and it will be the end to this torturous week

a lot of people are feeling stressed up now for many different reasons.
argh.it feels terrible to see everyone around you looking so xian

i guess its scary to see how someone can change so much suddenly
is that even the true you?

2007-04-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

just a really short one before i go

i know i ought to be studying chemistry now
this week is so terrible
and im feeling sleepy even before i start work
oh!at least lit is over!:]

i dont deny that it will hurt if thats your intention
but what else can i do?
i seriously dont care anymore you know
im sure that you can handle it in a much more mature way
avoiding is not the best solution to everything you see?

2007-04-10T05:42:00.001-07:00

i lost control of myself last night
i thought i was mad

i really should be studying now
but i guess if i dont come here,
i will just explode
so it seems that im really stressed out
which i didnt realise until today
thanks for the hug anyway
i will surely hang on till the end of this week:]

and thanks to ahxiong who tried to make me feel better yesterday:]

2007-04-09T20:45:00.000-07:00

goawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawayGO AWAY.
please get out of my sight.
i think im gonna lose control soon
i dont even wana see you online
cause i dont want to resist the temptation of wanting to talk to you

2007-04-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

百感交集

sent my phone for repair and they said that all data will be lost
including those few msgs that i once treasured
but maybe its good because it will serve as a reminder to me
that its really time to end
and im not kidding this time round
let the lost msgs be the proper end to this long journey
i really dont feel like giving it a damn anymore
be glad that i once placed you at almost the top of my life.

我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又在一起和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽是因为你
:]

2007-04-09T06:10:00.001-07:00

its not worth it
but you just spoilt my mood for the day
like...thanks ah
but who can i blame?
you din even do anything.
or maybe not doing anything is the worst.
but what can i expect?
i dont know either.
the feeling is just sooo terrible
and i dont even know why
i hate myself for feeling this way
what do i think im doing?
go away

and my mood for studying chem is like...GONE
i just feel like crawling onto my bed

2007-04-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

oh,白色巨塔 is <3!
i started looking forward to it since yesterday morning
and i think its the best part of my weekend.

call me mad and i dont care

off to do some work so that i won feel guilty at night watching baisejuta!
jerry yan is oh-so-cool.
<3!

2007-04-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

i dont know why
but sometimes it just feels as if i do not fit
im sorry
but i guess im not as committed as i thought i am
although i really want to do well so that i won disappoint myself

for the first time,
i actually hope you will just disappear
i dont know why either
but i just dont feel like seeing you ever again
get out of my life,wont you?

语无伦次

2007-04-07T15:01:00.000-07:00

paiju today was...
we slacked so much
im feeling guilty

HAHA!
we were playing at the playground like 30% of the time
:/
RAH

off to do my work soon

coming up this week:
chemistry test
literature test

2007-04-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

to the person whom i very long never go home with:

dont :( le k?
we shall and we WILL go home tgt very very SOON:]
i guess we are both busy people
but its okay
i think after this period of time then we will have more time tgt ah:]]
go do your chem now
shoo!:]

2007-04-07T00:52:00.000-07:00

this is like my third post of the day
okay.i know im crazy
maybe i just enjoy seeing my number of posts increasing rapidly
lol

im in love with my blog suddenly
and as i read all my 315 entries yesterday,
i realised i really grown a lot for the past year
a lot of stuff had happened and be it happy or unhappy ones,
im really glad i survived
all the times i felt like giving up on everything
or even the times i thought i would just drop dead,
ive actually survived and even end up stronger from each fall:]
woohoo!

but i think im really stupid
since last year september,ive been saying its time for me to put you down
and guess what?
till now,i haven even done so
oh gosh.how lousy can i get.

2007-04-07T00:32:00.000-07:00

today:]

cam-whoring instead of having paiju:X

yesterday<3!(although its very blur)
and lastly,a picture taken damn long ago during cny

i know its entertaining.
people,let me hear you laugh
HAHA!:]

2007-04-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

bought cao ge's album finally and therefore im happy!:D
its really nice<3!

i gotten out of the shitty mood i had yesterday
haha!

i know i can survive without you
i never had you in the first place
just a tad disappointed i guess

2007-04-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

school was alright at first
but i dont know why my mood just went straight down right after physics test
paiju was...lets not mention it
after paiju i was totally emo
and i dont even know its for what freaking reason
maybe its just because of everything
i almost felt like crying

but now im HAPPY:D
although it feels a bit weird,im still ULTRA ULTRA happy for you:D
<3!

2007-04-04T05:12:00.001-07:00

it seems as if blogging has became a everyday chore for me

and thats really bad.

for instance,right now,
i should be mugging my head off for physics instead of being here

RAH
imtalkingrubbish

oh!and a mental note to myself:
i shall not suan you so often
cause actually,i really care:]

2007-04-03T05:26:00.001-07:00

coming up this week:

HCL test (tmr)
physics test (thurs)

and at times like this,i really should not be thinking about you
i dont deny
i guess i really regretted doing that
i just feel soo...stupid.
ARGH

i tried telling myself that my life will still go on perfectly without you
and i thought i managed to convince myself
or rather,i almost did.
i dont know why you could matter so much to me
maybe its just stubborness on my part?
i really dont want to lose you...as a friend

its really time to grow out of it
just a few more months and i will be leading another life which does not involve you anymore
i kept saying i expected it
but maybe i did not
so if thats your way of solving things,i guess i can only accept
sometimes i even wonder,why do i even value you so much as a friend in the first place?
maybe if i did not,i will not care half as much now

i told myself not to blog about you anymore
but i just cannot help it
ARGH
i feel so useless:(

GROW OUT OF IT MAN

2007-04-02T02:39:00.000-07:00

i dont know why
but i think i screwed it up big time
ARGH
maybe i should not have done anything in the first place
but hell la,
i guess i cant be bothered anymore

2007-03-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

one wrong step can literally kill me

i wonder why i did that too

征服自己（黄义达）
穿梭人群里水泥墙林立往哪去
黑白的电影播放未来在哪里
我曾问自己还有谁可以能相信
伤了没关系我要的只是一个公平
我真的不想要让黑夜陪我度过这世纪
我奋力将梦打碎拼凑出属于我最终目的
过去就让它去不再怀疑我深深相信
抛开过去做我自己坚持到底
我要征服我自己有我就有奇迹
勇敢就像呼吸 没有人能改变那成功与我的默契
我要征服我自己有我才有奇迹
展开了坚固的双翼穿越暴风雨
自信将是我唯一完美定义
我要征服我自己有我就有奇迹
勇敢就像呼吸断绝所有失败
让蓝天自然地来临
风来来去去雨走走停停远远地
我找到自己征服了自己
是奇迹

2007-03-31T07:35:00.000-07:00

im really really very happy for you :DDD
i guess its like a dream slowly coming true before you ah
no matter what,im really proud of you:D

though i felt terrible when i saw her like that

it made me wonder,
一个人到底会为了自己的梦想做出多少事情。
no matter what,its always good to try
if not 梦想永远都会是梦想，
不会有成真的一天。
maybe its time for me to work towards my dream too.

but it will be very very hard
at this present stage,i honestly dont know what i want,perharps just what i like
but im certain i dont do well in what i like to do

2007-03-30T06:47:00.001-07:00

i guess im not imaginative enough
maybe im like lady macbeth

and you know what
i guess im not doing well enough.
i told myself i will really really try my very best
and do my very best
but it seems that things are so far,far from my expectations.
i feel that i disappointed quite a number of people,
those who thought that i can do it,
including myself
i just dont want to leave a regret.

maybe im someone who works better with pressure
maybe its just because time is not exactly tight now yet
maybe i will improve lots and by the time comes,i will be doing so fine i will just rock the stage.

maybe THIS is the best way to convince myself that i somehow will be able to do it
its not my fault that i dont have a high self esteem.

no,i mean i have a high self esteem
i will do it
cause i must!

maybe why i am happy with my essay is because some parts of it are actually the truth.

2007-03-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

do you mind telling me whats going on?

Do not fear memories of what you've been through.
do i really have to try?

2007-03-25T00:05:00.001-07:00

just read all my archived gbk entries.
got reminded of a lot of people whom sadly,drifted from me

pingmingbaixing;
i was shocked when i saw the stuff you once signed at my gbk
till today,im still amazed by the fact that i shared so much with you
as in,i dont remember how we even started talking.
(or if i remember correctly,it was a MSN convo like, out of the blue?)
haha!
i wonder how are you now
are you keeping to your promise?
anyway,i guess you already know who that person is already.
so i shall not bother to hide too.
anyway,im fine now.
maybe not totally over it,but at least no longer as affected by it anymore.
and i shall go and tag your board now
to let you know that i left this msg for you:)

and you;
it hurts to see how you signed as - at first and then it slowly became -.
im not sure,but maybe to me,
its a sign that we reallly drifted.
till today,
i still wonder if its because of me.
maybe i should have hanged on
but i guess i was disappointed
although i really did treasure.

and also to you;
im glad we went through all those crap
i guess they bring us closer ah?
we shall continue to be truthful to one another.
just speak out if we are ever unhappy k?
i love you more than words can describe
and we shall still go shopping with our walking sticks:)
<33

obviously,all these are not what i WANTED to blog about initially
nevermind,that post will just have to wait
i shall get back to my books
bye

2007-03-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

i guess my longg post will have to wait again.
already have stuff to write about in my mind le
but nah,i shall be a good girl and go do some work first: D

why why why?
why i cannot open so many people's blogs?
:(
stupid blogger.sigh.

time really flies
soon it will be one year already
yes,as i said,
im over already
but i guess theres still a bit lingering now.

2007-03-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

i saved it as draft.
guess will pass to you when - comes.

m-m day.

thats all for today.
will have a longgg one tmr:D

2007-03-22T02:12:00.000-07:00

我想我还是算了吧
虽然看着你还是有一点感觉，
但既然没有任何可能，
我还是
算。了。吧。

2007-03-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

maybe you are not that impt to me afterall
at least not in that sense
yesterday i really wanted to go up to you and let you know that i care
but i did not
i guess you dont really regard me as the kind of friend i regard you as
and guess what?
yesterday even when you talked to me,
my heart was not pumping as hard as it used to

2007-03-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

数字 0 总是既可怜又孤单，因为它的数字最小，所以没有别的数字愿意跟它做朋友。虽然 0 也觉得自己没有什么份量，但是它仍然很想要有个朋友。于是，它决定自己出发去寻找。起初，数字 0 遇见了 2 和 3，接着又遇到了其他数字，但是大家都觉得 0 这个数字太小，所以都不肯跟它做朋友，是 0 因此受到很大的挫折。不过，有个数字和 0 一样有着同样可怜的身世，那就是数字 1。1 和 0 一样一直在寻找朋友，但是其他的数字却都看不起它，所以 1 也一直交不到朋友。在一次偶然的机会下，数字 1 遇到了数字 0。0 和 1 互相邀请对方成为自己的朋友，于是两人很快就成为一对相知相惜，无所不谈的好朋友。奇怪的是，当 1 和 0 成为好朋友以后，之前那些看不起它们的数字们，居然纷纷跑来要求跟它们做朋友，因为它们都好羡慕 1 和 0 组成的 10。所以，在 1 和 0 的故事之后，便有一句话这么流传开来，那就是“两个人的力量比一个人强。”

im freaking sick
urgh:/

2007-03-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

i think im contradicting myself

2007-03-13T05:09:00.000-07:00

yes,i know what i done may be wrong
but just stop talking about it please
i just needed something to let me run away from everything
call me irresponsible
im just not a perfect kid
and yes i know i suck at prioritising
you dont have to remind me

sorry if i sounded harsh

***
那一瞬间仿佛回到了从前
十年了，一点都不简单
谢谢

2007-03-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

yeoxuezhen;
stop doing this kind of things to yourself
stop acting like a child
be more mature la,for goodness sake

im just upset because i ruined just another chance
i hate the feeling of having hope yet it all came down to nothing
im not upset because i cannot get what i want
its just disappointment

i just want to get into a corner and hide
sorry if im uncontactable these two days

sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrythankyou
i din mean the blackface

2007-03-10T22:42:00.000-08:00

突然有种不想动的感觉
在这样一个天气很热的下午，我只想呆呆地，
什么都不做。

说好听点，
对你的感觉是出自一种习惯。
说难听点，
也许我只是想填补我空虚的生活罢了。

oh,and i really have no more strength to fight a battle like this
i really dont have

2007-03-10T00:17:00.000-08:00

One of your relationships is slowly moving to a new level -- and it's okay if you aren't quite sure whether you're totally comfortable with that. You may have been hearing a few alarm bells recently. It's too soon to tell whether there are things to be concerned about, so don't act on your fears or suspicions yet. Just feel what you feel, and give this thing time to assume its new shape. It's very probable that both of you will adjust -- and thrive.

does it include an end to a special feeling?

i hope so

2007-03-09T06:53:00.000-08:00

i hope im not wrong about it
but it seems to me that you did try too
and i guess thats good enough

at times like these i really wonder
is it just out of a habit?

2007-03-08T01:44:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder when will i be able to give myself a good rest
its no longer physically anymore.
im tired...mentally
its like i really yearn for a break
to that extent sometimes i just wish time will stop
then everyone will just freeze and i will be able to have a
喘气的机会。

努力是因为不服输。

2007-03-06T04:56:00.000-08:00

im feeling better
at least on the outside
im still not sure about the inside
shall wait and see

2007-03-03T02:32:00.001-08:00

im currently using the computer without a mouse.
how wonderful:/

why is it that whenever i dont feel like talking to you
you will just come online like this
where were you when i actually WANTED to talk to you
sometimes i really wonder what am i in your heart.
will i be more than a hi-bye friend?
that i can never be sure
if only you treasure our friendship half as much as i treasure it before i like you,
i will be more than contented.

yesterday was a tiring day
i never expected myself to just break down like that
i felt stupid
its like i cannot even adapt to such a change
when i went back to -, i looked at all of you with envy
i never knew how much i want to be in a - before im officially not in one.
i kept telling myself: hey!thats where i belong.
tears just came pouring down.
i dont want people to see me as a pampered person who will die without being in -
because i am not such a person.
i just feel that theres where i really belong.
i know it was me who keep saying i want to try something else
i really wanted to
but now i regret
maybe its too early to say that i regret,
maybe i will enjoy myself at the end of the day
but yesterday at that moment,
i was really afraid
i dont want my last - to just end like that
for the past 3 years,it was - that kept me going
making me proud of -
and this year really is my last -,my last year in st nicks,
i really dont want to just spend this year,ending up doing something that i won enjoy
call me selfish
but it really never dawned on me how much i love to be in -.
yesterday in -,i sat there thinking
thinking about the past 3 years(esp the last 2 years)
thinking about all the times i spent with all my fellow - mates,
laughing,crying tgt
playing lame games,
playing truth or dare
having heart to heart talk
having -
i guess all these will never happen this year.
no matter how well things will end up this year,
i guess the feeling will never be the same
it will just be impossible for us to sit down tgt,cry tgt,laugh tgt,
as a family.
no more ranking our brains out for - presents,
no more -,
no more all the gritty details as a -
all the little things that i will miss
i guess i really took the previous 2 years for granted
i just did not appreciate the feeling of being in a -
and i know i never will if such a thing did not happen this year.
people keep telling me to look on the bright side,at least i HAD 2 years.
but its also because of the 2 years that make me more certain that thats the life i want
thats the - i want
now i feel silly for complaining about last year
last year was wonderful
im sorry i wasnt able to appreciate
i know nothing can be changed now
and im really not complaining about what im doing now
just that,nothing will be the same anymore.
even if i get to do the same thing in jc,it won be the same feeling anymore.
noone will understand how much it hurts me to see all of you in your -,
doing all the activities that are so familiar to me
i dont deny,
im jealous.
jealous of all of you who have a -,all of you who are doing the things that i want to do
please appreciate.
im not being a sore loser here crying just because i dont have a -.
its just...my regrets
the days ahead will be tough
and i promise i will try
but things will just not be the same anymore
i guess i really need to learn to control my emotions
i mean,i cannot possibly tear everytime i see all of you in your - right?
but no matter what,
i will not deny that,i still really hope that im in a-.
just because thats the way i want my - to be.

i guess the moral of the story is to appreciate what you have
never take anything for granted.
as cliche as it sounds,
it is really true
i really regretted not learning this earlier
if only i knew i will be not in a - this year,
i will definitely appreciate those times last year,
put in much more effort,
be satisfied with myself and not end up regretting
if only...

give me time to sort out my thoughts
i guess im still not okay

2007-02-27T05:04:00.001-08:00

Not everyone is as intuitive as you are, and today you will have to listen to a friend make some outlandish and unlikely predictions.

haha!its strange that its kinda true.

anyway,i dont want to be like that
我不喜欢这样的自己

不想再为你烦恼了
我真的不想了

2007-02-26T02:27:00.001-08:00

i promise not to think
i'll try my best

as i said, 我难过是因为我觉得一直死守着一段没有也不会有结果的感情是痛苦的。
习惯用理性思考的我在尝试告诉自己是时候放弃了
或许我真的太理性了吧！

if time is the only cure,
then i will learn not to look out for you in the crowd.
if not seeing you works,
then please stop appearing in front of me

i'll try
i will.

the tests this week are much more impt than you,
so off you go.
byebye

2007-02-23T05:39:00.000-08:00

dug out YiDA's first album and listened to it
realised i really like his first album a lot a lot
:D

i won bother to hide my disappointment
yes,im affected
but i will still try my best in whatever i need to do

regarding you,
i guess its still the same
will just let nature take its course

我怎能不难过
你哭了但你要的安慰不是我
只要她一个胜过一百个我

2007-02-22T02:10:00.001-08:00

眼角竟然有泪
不知道是否真的是因为那两首歌?

很奇怪，但他的歌总是感动得了我
虽然并非完全主流，但或许我是个不属于主流的人。
听到的不只是单单那十首歌，而是背后他付出的努力
这一年八个月的等待，间中一定有他想放弃的时候，
但他走过来了。
认真的男人是最有魅力的
我听到了他的认真，所以我被感动了。
一直认为这样的歌手如果因为没有市场而被淘汰，是很可惜的。
《完整演出》- 黄义达
请给他一个机会，听听这张专辑
或许他的音乐会让你产生共鸣。
特别推荐：《到底到久》和《既然你问我》
请多多支持！

2007-02-22T01:55:00.001-08:00

It may be extremely tempting to let other people take the reins today -- after all, life can be easier when you just go where you are told to go and do what you are told to do. However, it is very important for you to fight this urge right now. The universe is giving you opportunities to initiate new schemes, social plans and personal projects -- and you should try to take advantage of at least one. You have to push yourself toward goals or experiences that you really want.

i guess im feeling a bit lost
will really need time to think properly about how i should cope with this whole thing
it feels as if i will be thrown into a totally different environment soon
i know i will survive somehow
but the process will not be easy
what opportunities?
sorry,but i cannot see any currently.
sometimes i will choose to believe in horoscope because at least it will make me feel better
im dreading it
im really dreading it

tmr will be a day flooded with tears
and you know what,
i just hate it

2007-02-21T02:11:00.001-08:00

CNY was bleah
food,food and more food!
haha
i think i like to entertain myself with food when im bored:/

joke of the day today is hilarious
still feel like laughing whenever i think of it

the second joke and third joke also not bad!LOL

bought YiDA's album anyway
my idol of the past
haha
feel quite happy for him that he get to release another album after sooo long
he needs our support la
can see the effort he put in,so its
<3!:D
yay!dont regret at all: DD

had a terrible feeling in the morning that something bad will just happen today
luckily things are still okay
haha
so i guess it marks a good beginning to the 'new' year:D

2007-02-17T02:19:00.001-08:00

decision making is always tough
esp when it comes to decisions that will not only affect you,but also people around you
there are just too many things to consider.
我的去留就交给命运吧！

last night's msn was FUNNY.
haha
cannot imagine that laoshi can be THIS funny.
wasnt very productive anyway
just now was much better.
at least we got some stuff done la
i still find the convo funny.
HAHA

anyway,this is the last post of the lunar year
told myself at the end of 2006 that i will study and try real hard once 07 starts,
but guess i am not really keeping to my promise
im trying hard though.
明天/年之后我真地会努力的。
真的是最后一个机会能让我有个新的开始了
会好好珍惜的。
大家，明年见了！

2007-02-16T05:45:00.001-08:00

valentine's day came and went
i am quite pleased at myself for the stuff i gave this year
think its quite sweet and personal
LOL
love is indeed in the air even if its not with me
***
maybe i should just learn not to think so much about it
cause whenever i think of it,i will just get pissed and thats all
theres nothing i can do
i dont want to get myself involved
cause im not supposed to be involved in the first place
but just feel very bu zhi
its really quite unreasonable this time round
i can understand
but i cannot do anything
argh.
i hate this type of feeling

wo shi dui shi bu dui ren de.
***
and regarding you
its still the same

习惯了
所以就开始麻木了
开始不再在乎你的眼神了
要看就看个够吧。
知道就知道
懒得再去管了。
***
shall really enjoy myself to the maximum this cny
will make sure i will study hard after that:D

2007-02-11T16:23:00.000-08:00

my com crashed again
:/
will not be here for 1249352 years!
see ya till then!
tata

2007-02-03T22:06:00.000-08:00

all thanks to suwi
i suddenly started thinking abt bengta 05

and so it became an emo sat
i just wana know if all of the nine of you are doing fine
even though we are all seperated now,
i still care

2007-02-03T05:30:00.000-08:00

this is what i call bad service

went sofa-hunting with my parents today
and the staff at N***** totally treated us as if we are transparent
whats worse is aft a while,a lady went in and the guy served her IMMEDIATELY.
i was so freaking pissed off and i just dragged my mum out of the place
whats the problem with that guy?
do we look like we cannot afford that damn sofa which cost only less than a thousand?
wth
***
on a happier note,
i finally got a pair of jeans!
so i guess that marks the end of my new year shopping already.
anyway,i have gotten everything i need already
HOHOHO!:D
***
yangguifeibabyanqian!<3s!

2007-02-02T05:24:00.000-08:00

i wanted to go up to you and ask if you are okay

but i did not.
i guess it just feels a bit strange

yet it hurts me to see you there
while im unable to do anything
***
i promised that i wont be upset over you anymore
im keeping to my promise,really.

2007-01-30T05:21:00.000-08:00

i just wana know if you are really fine
im sorry that i wasnt able to do anything to make you feel better
just wana let you know,
i'll be here for you,if you ever need me (even if you dont even bother)
***
one thing good about nokia is that all their phones function the same way

2007-01-29T18:41:00.000-08:00

just like that

last friday,while i was blogging something abt 一瞬间
竟然有一个人在同一时间因为某个瞬间而就这样改变了她的一生。

虽然她不是我的偶像，
甚至可以说和我一点关系都没有，
但心中却不知为什么有种莫名的悲伤

我想是一种恐惧吧。

因为真的很难确定这种事情不会发生在我身上，
或是我身边的人身上。
虽然知道一直这样想也是没用的，
但应该就是一种无助感吧！

对她来说，那明明是个普通的一天
却没想到这种事情竟然发生了。
很好奇，在车祸发生的那一刻，
她可曾想过自己会因为这样就走了。

im not totally very upset or anything
but yupp,just a tinge of sadness
although we are just strangers and people live and die everyday
but when it happen to someone whom you know (although not personally),
it just feels extra saddening.

天有不测之风云，really.

Rest in peace, is all I can say.

2007-01-28T21:46:00.000-08:00

i finally finally finished my ju ben!~
:D

shall go sleep soon!
haha:P

stuff to do for the rest of the work:
-study ss
-3 chi reflections+cover page
-all overdue homework

stuff to look forward to:
-my new phone!:DDD

2007-01-28T14:25:00.000-08:00

shall seriously get to my ju ben
and not slacking
i think i gonna die soon
dint do any work at all yest
except one chi reflection
and thats so pathetic
):

aim for today:
-COMPLETE JU BEN!
-one chi reflection(or maybe 2?)
-study ss!:D

2007-01-27T03:54:00.000-08:00

i dont deny that i am pretty happy now
see?
just a small action from you can make me happy
***
watched sheng ri kuai le today
its good
i like the 拍摄手法！
just find the plot a bit typical
but its touching and sweet anyway:D

2007-01-26T06:06:00.000-08:00

喜欢在夜晚时乘搭巴士
喜欢看着窗外原本熟悉的景物因为黑暗的夜晚而变得陌生
尤其是几个小时前明明一切还是如此的不一样。
好奇妙
总觉得太阳下山的那一刻真的好神奇
就因为那短短的一瞬间，一切变得完全不一样
生命或许也会因为某些瞬间而彻底地改变，
变得和前一秒钟完全不同。

也喜欢在巴士上听着别人的对话
不否认，或许因为这样能带给我一种偷窥的快感。
想要了解别人的生活是否暗示着我厌倦了自己的生活，
或是因为，我只是想过过别人的生活罢了。
看着一个人，就能看出他的个性吗？
我常常试着凭感觉而猜测一个人的个性
甚至开始幻想他的生活是怎样过的。
无聊的是，他们全都是路人

世界这么大，
即使只是擦肩而过的陌生人应该也需要一种缘分
不然你怎么会这么巧地和我一样生活在新加坡？
甚至在同一时间，
搭同一趟巴士。

曾和我搭过巴士的陌生人，
真抱歉，
你们都已经在不知不觉中成了我观察的对象！
谢谢这份缘分吧!
***
透过玻璃窗，看着街上的路人，
总觉得自己好像是从另一个角度看他们
和自己的世界离得太远了
***
我还是必须说，
我还是在乎。
只是你都不闻不问了，
我又还能怎样？

2007-01-26T06:02:00.000-08:00

-静静的-
空气里躲着什么有点浪漫的心动
我偷偷看你 你也偷偷看我
世界上多了什么好象变得很不同
站在你身边这一切都很宽阔
我还在等着你静静的爱我
只要有你陪我静静的就足够
你也在等着我静静的温柔
就这样手牵手静静的看着天空
心里面藏着什么你只想要让我懂
原来我的梦也就是你的梦
纸条上写了什么我好想要听你说
让字字句句充满我们的笑容
我还在等着你静静的爱我
只要有你陪我静静的就足够
你也在等着我静静的温柔
就这样手牵手静静的看着天空
永远要记得那天彼此许下的承诺
瞬间点亮的火花是我们的拥有
我还在等着你静静的爱我
只要有你陪我静静的就足够
你也在等着我静静的温柔
就这样手牵手静静的看着天空
静静的手牵手是最简单的梦

2007-01-25T02:42:00.000-08:00

i guess maybe i should just really REALLY let go
nothing will come out of it im sure
even if there will be someone beside you,
it won be me,never.
you dont even seem to care
why am i still so silly to be holding on?

whatever.i guess im just unable to let go
at least not yet.
***
no more test tmr
feel kind of relieved
all i need to do tonight is the damn eng graded compre!
YAY!:D

2007-01-24T05:34:00.000-08:00

im preparing myself to die for chemistry test tmr
should be studying now
but i cannot get my ass off the comp
shall go off soon
byebye

2007-01-23T04:35:00.000-08:00

chinese test tmr
hate it cause theres 默写

“先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐”
“天将降大任于是人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身”
and my personal favourite,
"饱食终日，无所用心，难埃哉”
and now the problem is,
i dont know who said what:/

lit test tmr too
i think i will just die
how am i going to write sooo long
what if i got not enough time?
what if i dont even understand the poem?
okay,shall stop thinking abt the what ifs

two tests tmr
thats just the wonderful life of being a sec 4
but on the brighter side,
at least i can be rather free by tmr 10am.
wish me luck people

and i still haven completed my ju ben
got terribly stuck
need to think of how to untie to knot
sorry people for being ultra late:(

2007-01-22T02:24:00.000-08:00

天使
by 五月天　
你就是我的天使
保护著我的天使
从此我再没有忧伤
你就是我的天使
给我快乐的天使
甚至我学会了飞翔
飞过人间的无常
才懂爱才是宝藏
不管世界变得怎么样
只要有你就会是天堂
像孩子依赖著肩膀
像眼泪依赖著脸庞
你就像天使一样
给我依赖
给我力量
像诗人依赖著月亮
像海豚依赖海洋
你是天使
你是天使
你是我最初和最后的天堂

2007-01-22T02:00:00.000-08:00

before i start off,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,CHU!<3

so i guess maths test is just screwed up
but its predictable so im fine with it
never put in much effort=lousy results
nevermind,i shall work hard for the rest of the tests this week!
chem,lit and chi!
i promise to do well:D

life seems to be surrounded with the same stuff everyday
i think its time for me to learn how to 忙里偷闲
i just refused to get too choked up with sch work!:D

off to do my ju ben!
tata~

2007-01-19T22:36:00.000-08:00

i hope i won feel like giving up halfway lar
i have to admit,im feeling slightly uncertain abt it
but since i guess its probably the one and only chance
may as well do the best i can
and not leave any regrets

2007-01-19T22:30:00.000-08:00

看着窗外的雨，
不知道你是否也在和我想你一样想着另一个她？
***
"两只恋人"

傻傻两个人许过一个愿
当时星星眨著眼看起来并不远

为你长翅飞为你被风吹
请你千万要等我
带幸福来给你的那一天

春天散步夏天看海秋天数落叶
一直没有烦恼一直没有争吵
让每天像糖一样甜

冬天飘雪我是棉被温暖你的夜
一直在你身边一直爱到永远
你就负责靠著我的肩

贴著你的脸拍一张照片
世界是很复杂的要靠我近一点

但愿你每天幸福又安全
两只恋人手牵手
谁也不用再跑给谁去追
***
如果一切爱情都如此简单那该多好
但我相信还是会有如此单纯的恋爱的
等着寻找我的另外一“只”他。
***
生日快乐
most probably will catch it when its out
比好朋友还好的朋友到底会跨越界限吗?
***
maybe you did care
but i guess its all over now on your part
i should just be glad that at least you cared
at least i mattered to you:)
***
had always wanted it to be over
but now when things seem to get more 平淡
im actually not happy with the current state either
do i really want to be all miserable over you again
i really dont know
***
okay,physics test was fine!
im still trying real hard to cope with all the stress and stuff
but im sure i will manage somehow:D

2007-01-15T01:52:00.000-08:00

i ought to be studying my social studies now
or at least completing my homework
but i carn seem to be able to pull myself away from the comp
i will succeed somehow...soon
i need to admit
im a bit worried
or in fact im very worried about how the rest of this year will be
as in my studies and everything
i once thought of just giving up all my commitments (cca etc)
you may argue that i dont have much commitments in the first place
that i will have to agree
but it seems to me that i may be unable to cope now even with my little commitments
i wonder how those with many do that
and later on with qihang nearing,im sure things will be worse
ohwells,but at least im not doing anything MAJOR for qihang
so i will find a way to cope somehow
one thing for sure,
i will not give up things that i enjoy doing
no matter how hard it will be.

2007-01-14T14:47:00.000-08:00

妳坐在我身边可是表情很不自然　　
聊的话很平凡却很悲伤　　　　
妳说妳不相信活着就是为了梦想　　
甚至妳更怀疑什么是地久天长　　　　
咖啡麻醉不了孤单只会让心更烫　　
哦都一样
所谓梦想终究飘飘荡荡　　
在迷乱的台北流浪寻找一个幻想　　
突然很渴望在我身上
找到妳要的靠岸　　　　
这一刻当我们都感觉到彼此的心愿　　
爱情早已经开始思念早已经蔓延　　　　
咖啡麻醉不了孤单只会让夜更长　　
我也一样飘飘荡荡眼神交换迷惘　　
在冷漠的台北流浪找一个避风港　　
突然很渴望在妳身上
也找到我要的靠岸　
《靠岸》

suddenly like this song alot alot
***
maybe i should just try no to give myself too much stress.
hopefully continue doing the things i like will help me cope with my sec 4 year
i will never give up
yes.

　

2007-01-13T18:00:00.001-08:00

so it went one whole round
but its back to you again
i guess its not easy to just get over like this
theres still part of me holding on to the feeling
but maybe things will be gone soon
i hope so

2007-01-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

you;
firstly,im sorry that im not able to make you feel better
i hope you can understand that im really helpless
i dont know what to say
and i dont know how to say either
its not like im unwilling to listen or cheer you up
i tried but it got worse instead
maybe you can say that i have never been through stuff like these before
and that i will have to admit
but i really hope you are feeling better now
maybe as you said,leaving you alone may be a better way
and i hope that is true too
maybe its just the same feeling whenever we feel helpless about you-know-what
yupp,i think its most probably the same
but i REALLY hope you can understand that i still care loads k?
i guess we all have moments like these when maybe its best to be alone
have a good night rest,dear.
im sure you will feel much better tmr.
maybe its just because im never good at comforting people with words.
i mean,you know that
but i really want you to be okay
cheer up please!<333

2007-01-11T18:32:00.000-08:00

i guess im no longer as confused as i was yesterday
will just see how things go,seriously.
***
感觉有时候不需要太浓烈
淡淡的也不错
虽然我还是没有办法很确定的说，
我已经忘记一切了
但，
淡淡的真的也不错。
突然觉得身体少了一块负担
真的好轻。
***
im sure i won be able to do well
but i will just do what i can
i cannot say that i have put in a lot of effort for this test
but i will try my best,
really.

2007-01-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

im not really sure why im feeling this way
and i cant explain how im feeling now too
maybe its just that i dont know why the feeling can just fade away within such a short period of time
when i used to be all miserable over you
yes,i knew right from the beginning that it will just be a passing phrase
and i will definitely get over you sooner or later
but as time goes by,it seems that i have gotten used to liking you
to look out for you in the crowd
to watch for your every movement
to even be happy when you just talk to me
and now when it seems that the feeling is gone
i feel weird
thats this sense of emptiness within me
its like,i feel empty now because you occupied quite a part of my life
although i knew right from the start,i will get over you
but when this day comes,it just feels...weird
im doubting myself
maybe the feeling wasnt as strong as i thought it was
but if thats the case,wasnt i being silly for hurting because of you?
im glad because i think i found back a friend
i have to admit our friendship was more or less affected because of my feelings towards you
at least it is,on my part.
that day when we were talking,i suddenly realised,
there seems to be no more ... feeling for me
i just treated you as a friend and talked to you as a friend
then i thought maybe it was a step to get over you
the only thing i din realise was that maybe,
i was over you already.
the line between liking you or just liking you as a friend seems to be blurred
i find myself unable to differentiate my feelings towards you anymore
maybe its just a sign that im REALLY over you.
it feels like even if someone chants your name 1o times in front of me,
i may not feel anything...anymore
but yet its irony because i cannot be sure
im not sure if im really really over you
or im just tired of it all already
im afraid H will just be someone to help me get over you
or maybe H is just an excuse i give myself for getting over you
i once said i will never fall for someone whom i dont know
but it seems that its not quite true now
i dont like it at all
i dont understand why i can change soo quickly
like it was only one week ago when i was still quite dee about you.
but one thing i can be sure is that,
i will never get too serious about H
in the sense that,i dont think it will be possible for me to be miserable over H or something
lets hope what M said will be true,
may H be just someone whom we will talk about.
nothing more than that.
no matter what,
you already have a special place in my heart
even if im over you
im sure i will never forget you
even 20 years down the road.

2007-01-09T02:27:00.000-08:00

i just woke up from my nap
feeling terribly guilty cause im supposed to be doing work now
nevermind,shall work hard later on.
***
whats yours will be yours
no matter how long it will take to come