Thursday, August 31, 2006
im feeling miserable now
i know its not your fault and all
but just not feeling very well
all the good mood is gone le
haii
i guess im a bit tired le ba
there goes our shopping time!
luckily im not in a shopping mood now
if not i will be REAL upset
and guess what?
i have not eaten lunch
ohwells,this is the first time i ever skipped a meal
whatever
looking out for the vibration of my phone
-looks-
nope,theres none
hurry up leh!
im getting impatient
:/

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

看着她和她幸福的表情，
我顿时间真的好羡慕。
不禁也在想，
你和我能有这一天吗？
虽然心中是清楚地明白
你和我是没有可能的。
但有时候，
真的只是有时候，
这种问题还是会浮现在我脑海里。
我不是在期望什么，
只是有时候会很单纯地想和你在一起
分享一些快乐或不快乐的事情。
或许我不应该再去想
但我认为现在这样也没什么不好
我正试着去放下
但我知道自己还需要时间
我想我不应该再自欺欺人了吧
所以我才选择
慢慢遗忘
虽然我不知道会需要多久的时间
但我知道我行的
而且现在这样真的也没什么不好
***
选择用中文来写blog
是因为我想我还是比较喜欢用中文吧
也是因为我想用中文才能真正表达我想要说的事
有谁规定一定要用英文来写blog呢?
有时候换一换做事的角度才能体验不一样的事情
当然我并不打算每一篇都用中文书写
但偶尔这样做也是挺有趣的嘛
我不在乎读的人会否把我当成chinese freak
who cares?
i am who i am
nothing and noone can change me
***
没有太大的感觉并不是因为不在乎
只不过是因为早已做好心理准备罢了
期望越大
失望真的会越大
凡是看开点
才会过得比较快乐
***

Monday, August 28, 2006

jiayou man
you must not lose
i support you all the way
cause aftall you are the one who deserves to have happiness
not her
***
im getting better
really.
***
find someone new
i won fall for your trap anymore
i hope im not looking too much into things
i really hope so
cause i still hope we can remain as friends
please dun try to come and make things worse
i had enough

Saturday, August 26, 2006

i still need time
i admit
i still cannot let go
although im trying very hard
im trying
and will continue to
it feels good to have someone to share with me
about this topic
it makes me feel that im not so alone
at least i can find someone who really understands
im feeling better abt this whole crazy experience
i really should treasure what i have
or rather what i had
all the good memories will stay
and whn i look back ltr on in my life
i will only see the sweet moments during this period of my life
not the unhappy ones
i will treat this whole thing as a sort of experience
and a big part of growing up
i will then grow up to be stronger
understanding that emotions can never be controlled
and nothing is completely wrong
even if its so called morally incorrect
nothing is wrong with me
really
im struggling though
it still feels weird seeing her
esp whn she talks abt you in front of me
its not jealousy
im certain
just a complex feeling
sometimes i really wish i am her
cause i only wana be your good friend
serious
下雨也好
迷路也好
空气里有种相依为命的味道
爱你很好
连风都知道
第一次心甘情愿不想逃
***
sometimes i wonder if you deserve to be in my mind
but sometimes i can see the reasons why i like you
im certain now
and i know why
you are just so nice

Friday, August 25, 2006

oh im back!
din have the feeling to blog for qt some time le
haha
yay!
yiren and mons are back from their camp
HAPPY:))
hmmmm
meeting up to do anliantaohuayuan tml
qt excited
haha
am kind of sick of staying at home le
haii
i wana study!
i mean i neeed to study la
act am kind of happy with the two tests that i got back today
not that excellent la
but at least im contented:))
ohwells,im still shocked
you know who la,if you got come my blog
treat it like a happy feeling
dun be troubled by it k?
:))

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

im still here

Monday, August 21, 2006

its complicated
you are giving me a weird feeling
i hope im not reading too much into things
i really hope
i hope that nothing is wrong
and everything is fine
im really not in a mood to battle with all these kind of things now
***
tata
off to rush my jianbaos
***
day 1 w/o thinking of you

Saturday, August 19, 2006

still troubled
hmmm.maybe only by a bit
i cannot allow myself to be the depressed girl i am now
i dun like this
at all

my blog posts are building up fast
with me blogging like 2-3 times a day?
haha
so yea,im going to watch trash with esti
although it will cost a bomb
oh wells,
realised i have more to blog whn im real depressed
so be glad now that i find myself with almost nothing to blog
that means im OKAY!
***
chu said my blog posts v obvious
really meh?
i doubt noone can ever guess who im refering to lo
LOL
:D
***
i wana talk to you badly
***
everyone makes mistakes
stop doing this to me
just because i made a mistake
oh please.

Friday, August 18, 2006

i keep telling myself things are that way and not this way
then things will be that way and not this way

oh as if

it still disturbs me
i dunno why too
as in the feelings are no longer so strong whn i see you nowadays
but whn i see you with her
i still have a rather strange feeling
can someone please explain to me whats gg on?
i dun even seem to understand myself nowadays
you make me just so tired and weary
seeing you and her tgt does not help in this situation
sometimes i wonder what am i to you
i guess im just nothing to you
probably just nothing
its not even worth crying for me
or just feeling the slightest pain
if i just fall dead in front of you one day
oh haha
come to think of it,
im such a fool
i used to treat you as someone whom i can talk to
tell me,
can i be more stupid den this?
i dun think so.
how can you treat me as a stranger
when you are so important to me
i think im slowly getting used to the feeling
of having you in my life
until i become numbed
but when i see you and her,
the ice just melts and woohoo!
im drowned
again
***
i enjoy talking to chu and mons
just sort of get my mind out of everything
at least for a while
i really want to ahem you guys know la
***
suddenly realised haven been talking to esti for qt some time
must really find chances to talk to her
i misses those late night talks with her b4 the qihang period
<33

Thursday, August 17, 2006

oh and i forgot to mention
elit presentation is like finally over?
guess it wasnt as bad as i imagined
besides the fact that the whole class
was almost asleep whn i talked abt
the WHOLE PART OF YINGYING
haha
and miss jacob helped us a lot of adding a lot of stuff
we presented for one full hr
whn it was only supposed to be 20 mins
how great.
***
so now its only left with chi bk proj presentation tml
just gonna hun for half an hr
haha
i hope we(mons,chu,me)can have a gossip session aft huodong tml
im gonna stay motivated
and start mugging for eoy
i know i have said this many times
but always dun keep to my promise
but believe me,
i really will this time

and so you better get out of my mind
i dun welcome you

西关大少：）
really like this show
very very much
i even enjoy the older generation one
haha
i think 天赐 is super sweet can
haha
all the actors acted very well
can completely bring out the emotions
thats why i guess im hooked on to the show
i enjoyed the final episode
especially that part in the rain
that type of 想要却不敢/不能要的感觉
omg
i wonder when singapore drama can reach this standard
***
first time in a long while
blogging about happier things

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

why are you eyes red?
i wonder what will you do
if im the one to leave one day
but i bet you won even care
cause im only a normal friend to you
or maybe not even counted as a friend
you never know how important you are to me
you affect my mood
you make me down
just by seeing one pic of you
how irony
i always tot i will nv fall
but here am i falling
but yet you are not lending me a hand
im slowly getting over
im really
at the very least
slowly trying to get over
and i think im doing well
i aso dunno why
i can get affected just over that
i guess i need more determination
much much more

Monday, August 14, 2006

i feel like screaming
but what can i do
oh wells,
just shut it and i will be glad
pls dun come and try to act nice
stop talking abt it
stop pushing my limits
i will explode soon

Sunday, August 13, 2006

at least its all over
im not sure if he knows though
but at least i have said what i want
and what i can
i have done everything i can
and i will just leave the rest to god
let nature takes its course
im not gonna care anymore
im really tired
yes,as mentioned in my previous post
tired and sick of playing hide and seek with him
its all over
im not gonna care anymore
im serious
im tired
and i cannot take it anymore/

Saturday, August 12, 2006

just wondering what are you talking abt
what are you refering to?
i wonder if i really need to talk to you
i mean im afraid
afraid it will turn out all wrong
and make things even worse
fcuk off
you are making me miserable
you know?

why does it seem that the whole world is having fun
except me
everyone seems to be enjoying their weekend
except me
i wasted my weekend
again
however,on a lighter note,
i din regret going out yest!
at least i finally bought my physics tys
haha
but i bought a top!
and thats like so wonderful
it totally brightened up my weekend!
at least by a bit i guess
im so gonna work hard for my physics
after lunch!:))
yea,
and thats the only happy thing to blog abt this whole week
at least i have something happy to blog abt
i haven been feeling real happy for a long time
and thats strange
i used to be real cheerful and all,
where has that me gone to?
i dunno
if i know
i will certainly bring her back
i promise
***
you are still a heavy burden in my heart
im trying to put down
really
but sometimes i think i try too hard
until you continue to linger in my heart
causing me pain

Friday, August 11, 2006

i wanted to ask you along
but dun think its possible now
we've drifted so much
its scary

omg
i love the 西关大少 theme song sooo much
its currently still buffering on my comp
so damn slow ah
haii
haha
thats so random
:/
***
i admire you for your courage
although its a short journey
i believe you had lived it well
i wonder what i will do if im you
whether if i will have the courage
to stay positive like what you did
oh well,
i was rather touched and inspired aft reading this:
http://xiaodoudou.blogspot.com
guys!go read if you are free,
its really motivating
and encouraging
its nice to be healthy
and each and every single one of us shld appreciate it
***
im tired
tired of playing this hide-and-seek with you
i jus wana let down everything
so what if you know alr,
i dun care.
or rather i dun have the energy to carry on
to carry on hiding frm you
thinking abt how you will feel
worrying if you have found out
i suddenly find myself silly
i have been doing all these w/o realising it.
i have been thinking of you
worrying abt you
admiring you all these while
and i din even realise it
how foolish can i get
oh haha
now all the pain will be gone
cause im nt going to give it a damn
frm onwards
there are many more impt things in my life
that needs my attention
that deserves to stay in my mind
not you
yes,there will still be times whn i think of you
whn i smile at the thought of you
but i know it will nv be the same anymore
cause im simply just tired
i know i really cannot carry on like this
i will jus collaspe one day
cause its taking up too much of my energy
yupp,it was a mistake since beginning
and i have allowed myself to carry on with the mistake
okay,even if its NOT a mistake,
i dun think its something i shld continue
yea,if you know who you are,
i jus hope you will treat me like the past,please?
i really dun wana jus get into another mess
we'll just continue to be friends,won we?
nothing has happened,
really.
please jus behave as if ntg has happened,alright?
i treasure you a lot as a friend
and i dun wana lose you as a friend
yes,all these years of friendship with you,
it had made a difference
***
i wish and i pray that you will come my blog
and read this entry
everything single word of it
den at least you can know how i feel.
how much you matters to me
as a friend

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

---deleted---
***
its not easy to forget

im very sorry
***
i really dunno what i want
what im wishing for
what im waiting for
i jus wana run away
from what?
i aso dunno
i feel as if im a silly girl
running and running
only to turn back and realise that
theres noone behind
how ironic
i wana run away
yet im tired
and i dun have the strength
i tell myself,
maybe its time for me to take a rest
但是在休息以后
我们还不知道
继续走的理由
i mean
why will someone feel like running away
from basically ntg?
i really carn explain my feelings
i know you make up a big part of my depression
but its not only you
i mean thats the problem,
if its NOT abt you,
what can it be abt?
im confused
maybe they call this growing up
but its tough
really.
i was having this depressing look at the train jus now
and a couple keep staring at me
they must be wondering if im gg to commit suicide
haha
***
you give me the strength
i love you so much<3
***
and now its my turn.

承认我是弱者
不敢再对爱假设
我真的累得
不想再拉扯

我寻找的平静
是我将来看电影
带着一颗平常心
不别为谁心碎闭上眼睛

我需要的平静
是敢回头看曾经
那些为爱患得患失的曾经
我选择忘记

我不懂得取舍
才让心痛堆着
找得到前些年的快乐
只是偶尔

但你的温柔是我唯一沉溺

在我心上用力的开一枪
让一切归零在这声巨响
如果爱是说什么都不能放
我不挣扎
反正我也没差

我是确定爱你的
我是真的快乐的
你能给我得并不多
但是一切都值得
我是心甘情愿的
呵护你不像的大人
你不需要懂
放开你是我最挣扎的旅程
那么快乐我想也足够了

又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓
当作成长

我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把全世界给我
我还是一无所有

把从前想了一遍
谢谢了
伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声
听了都不冷

combination of some ahmei songs
they really describe my feelings now
and i thank those songs for giving me strength
they are wonderful

Monday, August 07, 2006

:D
***
shall not think about unhappy things today
coz its a happy day aftall!:D

Sunday, August 06, 2006

crown belts
lakehouse
im looking forward to tuesday
am currently a slacker now
but i dun care!
i jus wish tuesday will faster come!:D

Saturday, August 05, 2006

ive put you down
and its less than one week
in fact its four days before my promise

ss shall now officially stands for...
soul sucks
instead of social studies
haha
its super random
***
you are a nice person
theres why i like you
but pls be un-nice to me
so that i can forget you

do you know its a torture to like you?
coz i know that its wrong
and nothing will come out of it
but yet i carn stop myself at times

sometimes i wish i nv know you
i wish you were nv in my life
yet sometimes im glad that i know you
im glad to have such a wonderful friend

i was very touched at that time
by the way you comforted me
im sure you have forgotten that incident
but it is still deep in my heart

i like it whn you are serious
i like it whn you joke
i like it whn you look at others
with jus so much sincerity

things may be different
if we are both not who we are
then maybe we will stand a chance
but now its all impossible

its all about yest
i guess you all have a clue what i was refering to
in my previous post ba:))

so milubing won!:D
its indeed a happy day today
at least it allows me to forget abt the upsets yesterday
yea,i lurve you,ESTI JENITA:D
its great talking to you abt everything
as well as doing all the crazy stuff!
LOL:))
there are so many memories in town now!:D
***
-edited-
i deleted one whole part of my entry
it was supposed to be here
a blog seems to be rather useless
when you are no allowed to blog whatever you feel like
but i guess its jus a sort of responsibility
to be responsible to what you write
but i won be responsible to how i feel
how i feel towards
you and you and you
all of you

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

at least its all over
but they seriously suck
i mean both maths and chi
heck
***
im sooo gonna work hard for physics
:))
determined
***
i shall not blog abt you anymore
tata

my childhood.
xuezhen//*

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