Wednesday, November 29, 2006
just feel like dropping by.haha

Sunday, November 26, 2006

原来日有所思，夜有所梦这句话是真的。

Friday, November 24, 2006

have been trying to complete my hols homework these two days
but unfortunately am currently hooked on to the jap serial called one litre of tears
its very nice although its chao sad
haha
alright.shall faster watch finish then i can start my work le:D

Thursday, November 23, 2006

camp06!
YAY的第七组：D
alright.i guessed i just lost my image in front of the juniors
i was totally mad/crazy/idiotic throughout the entire camp
but it was all to make the group spirit HIGH okay
i was late for 22 mins on the first day and that was such a bad bad way to kick start the camp
when i reached the forum,everyone was already at the dance studio.
it was so embarrasing.-bleahs-
the first game of the day was treasure hunt
and im sure its main aim is to kill all of us
it was sooo damn tiring
i mean,just try walking/running ard the whole school looking for clues for 2 whole hours!
its much worse than you think
aft treasure hunt,it was wenhua lesson
some parts of it were pretty much a drag
but nevertheless the story telling competition was hilarious!
our group made the flowers ate the pig and the pig falling in love with the flowers!:D
hmmm.the best part of the day was of course yeyou!
i have to admit i was rather scared at first
but after the long drag and everything,i was more sian than scared
and so,when the first person finally appeared for me to scare,i was damn happy and relieved!
HAHA.oh!i changed station at the last min.was rather reluctant at first but i guess it was a 因祸得福 in the end!:D
only regret was that din manage to scare any seniors cause my station is part of the solo walk!
haha.anyway,it was overall GREAT for me although the juniors CLAIM that theywere not scared
but i still think they were!:DDD
did stupid things with mons and chu after lights off.HAHA
i miss those bedtime exercises!-winks-
was REALLY tired on the second day
and i guess everyone was tired too.so our group was pretty much sians and everything when buying the breakfast
HAHA
honestly,i think the lishis are trying to murder us this year!
the whole camp was totally tiring!
OHWELLS
i need to admit that i din enjoy certain parts of the camp
but there were some parts that i totally enjoyed!:D
so i think camp06 was overall a sucess!YAY!
come to think of it,its my last camp as a huiyuan
next year will be xue jies le
i will miss the feeling of the whole camp
especially yeyou
actually when i was acting yeyou,i had this thought:how i wish i can walk yeyou just once more
oh,i feel old o.O
***
at this point of time
i rather wish you know
i guess im finally facing up to my feelings
it feels as if im finally moving on to another stage
i will just let things be how they wana be
and im serious this time
一切就让它随缘吧

come to think of it
you have every right to feel weird or shocked or whatever
i rather you have a reaction or maybe just spend some time thinking about it
at least it will show that you care
or maybe the situation now is the best for me already
i guess so
***
camp entry tmr please
im super tired now although i napped for 3 hours just now
and i missed project superstar
RAH:/

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

im currently in a high HIGH mood
and thats good:DD
counting down to camp in less than 12 hours time!
i hope i will enjoy myself
definitely will not be blogging tml
cause tml this time,it will be yeyou!:))
the thought of it makes me happy man!
juniors,look out!-evil grins-
alright,i admit this is a lame and crappy post
but lame and crappy stuff are what i do when im HIGH
suddenly think of a song!
让我们get high!
用双手把天撑开
oh~ get high!
让所有人都明白
泪水都不应该
因为我有你的爱
baby you're always on my mind
***
happy way to end the post
so i hope my next two days will be happy happy too!:DD
tata
i'll be back by thursday evening:D
miss me:)

Monday, November 20, 2006

im looking forward to camp!
and thats real good :D
hope i can really enjoy myself as it is sort of the last official camp
next year we will be xuejies already :(
had our last yeyou meeting yesterday
it was alright
but im really excited for yeyou!
i think it will be the highlight of the camp!:DD
***
hmmm.still need to go back to school for xi ju ke later
BOOHOO
and im still sick):

Sunday, November 19, 2006

第一次对于喜欢你有了不一样的看法
我想我喜欢你还是有它的理由吧

事情比没有我想象中的莫名其妙和无缘无故
它的确有它的理由。
终于明白其实任何事情的发生都有它的原因，现在我能做的，也唯有不再去想他吧。

看开吧，我不断地对自己说
希望我能说到做到
***
终于明白，固执只会带给我伤害。
是时候学着不再钻牛角尖了。
***
假期里不看到你应该对我有帮助吧。

但愿如此。

Saturday, November 18, 2006

i tell myself i dont care anymore
i tell myself you are just my friend and nothing more
i tell myself im doing fine
i tell myself im slowly letting you go already
i tell myself i won let you affect me anymore
i tell myself soon,i can forget you.

but i know im just lying.
***
还是喜欢用华文来抒发自己的情绪

Friday, November 17, 2006

okay.this post is dedicated to you
im sure you know who you are
hmmmm.i guess i have said what i want to say to you already
yupp.once again,i just wana thank you for being here for me whenever i need you
i'll also be here for you,i promise
and its definitely not those type of joking joking one,im serious okay
<33
and agree that im the one with low self esteem la.
dont need to fight with me for this type of things one.
haha
hmmm.and regarding the topic that we have been talking about everyday without fail,im sure we will get out one day
but lets make it as soon as possible can?
im sick of being at the bottom of the pit for so long.its getting a bit draggy and pointless for me.and maybe for the both of us.
dont you think so?
oh!and i wana take back my words.i said that since you aso at the pit,you cannot pull me up right?
so maybe we should pull each other up!:D
if you wana get up la.haha
yea.have a good night sleep tonight darling.
im sure you will wake up tml feeling much better
cheer up okay.it pains me to see you like this
<333
remember,i will always be here

Thursday, November 16, 2006

忘 我没有很努力要自己去遗忘
那些和日记一起收藏的过往
孤单在思绪之中变得很漫长
想 我没有很刻意让自己不去想
那些和照片静止的模样
我学着坚强
坚强到不用学着不想学着遗忘
还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你
还是害怕不经意的听见你的消息
然而当爱已经沉淀得太清晰
当拥有已经是失去 就勇敢的放弃
还是害怕一个人时就很难忘记
还是害怕突然宁愿当初没有决定
然而当爱最后的出口是分离
我会这么相信走下去

或许，我并没有很努力地把你忘了
所以，我做不到。

nowadays i keep feeling as if im losing myself
im beginning not to understand even myself,my feelings,what i want from everything
its just the growing up stage i guess
but its really scary at times,seeing people around you knowing that they have things hiding from you.like you know A dont like B,but you just cannot let B know that A dont like B.
its complicated.all these growing up stuff
sometimes i will just wish that i can forever stay as a child
stay in the protected place where nothing is as complicated as now.
我不喜欢这个大家都带着面具过日子的世界
这应该就是所谓的人生哲学吧
但我还在学习，也还在努力融入这个成人的世界
我想还是保留一点纯真会比较好吧
我不想迷失了自己
我还是我
无论发生了什么事，或将发生什么事，
我真的不想失去自己。
我不想为了融入这个世界，为了得到大家的认同而改变自己。
但我真的很怕，回头看这几年，我真的变了好多好多。
我担心有一天，我会连自己都认不得。
但愿这一天永远不会到来。
***
秘密与信任
两样对我很重要但却常常伤我最深的东西
常常因为信错人，或把错的秘密告诉错的人而搞到自己伤痕累累。
而我往往就是这样，虽然知道你曾做出不值得我信任的事，但我还是选择了相信你。
虽然有所保留，但我其实还是一直在给你机会。
我不会对曾对不起我的人进行报复，我只会对自己说：我又信错人了。
其实我心里一直在希望我没有信错你
我只想让你知道，如果你又再一次伤害我，我会非常非常的失望
或许我一直以来都信错了人
或许我根本就不应该给你多一个机会
希望你会知道自己是谁

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Bottom Line
The analytical side of your brain is about to force to you face some harsh facts.

In Detail
The analytical side of your brain is about to do battle with the emotional side of your brain. Which side do you think will win? This prizefight won't be bloody, but it will have a conclusive winner. The losing side will have to face a few unpleasant facts, and the victor won't have much time to gloat.

so accurate.

it was only yesterday when i was feeling alright
i hate this emotion rollar coaster ride when you are not even at the other side
every thing is only from my point of view
im such a sucker
screw myself from thinking too much
screw myself from assuming that you even care
what the hell.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

today is a rather okay day
nothing much i guess
went back school for xi ju ke and thats all.
haha

BUT!
im sick.URGH.
having a terrible sore throat now
thursday how?):

dont do things that will let my imagination run wild
please dont.

Monday, November 13, 2006

sometimes when things like this happen,i dont know what i should do and what i can do.i know i should be here for you.i will.but its just that sometimes when all the panics turn out to be false alarms,i get tired too.im sorry.

有时候一个人到处走走，不必理任何人或事，感觉也还不错。
今天放学后，突然有一种不想回家的感觉
也不知道为什么，心里就好像有一股冲动不要回家
于是，我去了一个让我想起你的地方，买了杯饮料，一个人在那里坐了一下。
然后，就回来了

放心，我不会因为这样就四处乱溜。
我有我的分寸

DRAMABOX!:D
the past two days are real fun!im glad that i volunteered and went for it.

saturday
it rained and as a result the show was cancelled:(it was such a pity and guess what?the first chilli bawang was placed by ME!:( but im pure alrights.people doing foh stayed back after loading the stuff to the lorry to inform the public that the show was cancelled while the rest followed the lorry to tiong bahru and unloaded the stuff.yupp.reached home at around eight.haha.super early la.

sunday
due to communication breakdown,joanne,honghwee,kally and i reached two hours before the meeting time!and we met 45 mins earlier to have lunch so in total,we were at tiong bahru plaza for ard 3 hours before starting work.HAHA.spent ard 1 hour walking around the whole shopping centre plus another 1 hr at the arcade.it was DAMN funny!HAHA.we were like a bunch of idiots screaming in the arcade.luckily,its only at TIONG BAHRU.haha.anyway,setting up at the place and stuff was as usual.yupp.and we slacked after the set change all the way till packing up!packing up was a mad rush as usual but we managed to finish stuff pretty quickly.after that was debriefing and HOME SWEET HOME

cabed home with mingee and xwei.i suddenly got very high and talked to xwei throughout the whole journey home!however,the content cannot be disclosed here ah.:Ppoor mingee fell asleep halfway!-___-"

went home,bathed and went to bed.AND,i could not fall asleep.spent a lot of time recalling about everything that happened these two days and i want to keep them in my memories,for as long as possible.

although i cannot be sure that this experience can help in qihang and stuff,but i can confirm that i learnt a lot from it and i have totally enjoyed myself.initiative and creativity are really very impt and i think these are the two areas im lacking in.i dont have enough confidence to make quick decisions cause i will worry that i will screw up everything.yupp.so i will learn from there and thats all!

Friday, November 10, 2006

nothing much to update these few days

OHWELLS.
i went for my cousin's wedding last night
the food and everything was predicted and expected
but i was a bit overwhelmed by emotions after watching the video
haha
i mean if its me,i will definitely cry like mad
and end up as the ugliest bride on earth
:/

going to help out in the dramabox production today and tml
last year's experience there was wonderful but i guess this year is very different cause of the people and everything
but!nonetheless,im still looking forward to it!:D
today:chinatown (outside OG)
tml:tiong bahru
time is from 730 to ard 10
highly recommended!:)

and finally,monday is the last day of school!
i need a rest
in fact,im dying for one
and i promise,i will complete my hols hmewrk asap!

the year is coming to the end soon
and now i finally know the meaning of
time flies
i mean this year has really past by sooo fast w/o me realising it
i promise i will learn to treasure time and make use of time better

i will be typing my 2006 summary in one month plus time
thats REAL fast

btw,i think this entry is super lousy
URGH.why does it seem that i got nothing to blog about except you
but im determined to exclude you in this post
and slowly exclude you from my life
what a wonderful idea

Thursday, November 09, 2006

i like the feeling of sitting down,doing nothing

i guess i need times like now

to calm myself down and seriously think what i should do

寂寞很吵
我很安静
情绪很多
我很镇定
因为不如
所以放弃
不愿再被痛醒

固执算不算任性的要求
付出也可能看不到结果
终于你还是选择了放手
用逃避
让感情
远走

-任性-

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

it has been more than half a year before i know it

OHWELLS.
i have no idea how much longer i can hang on though

决定不再钻牛角尖了
but i seriously dont know how long i can keep to my promise
it seems that im always thinking of you
especially when im free and have nothing to do
胡思乱想
i need to stop myself
from doing silly things like these

it feels good walking down the path alone
listening to music
without bothering about the time and everything
just alone.only you and your music
i actually wished that the path will never end
and time will stop for that once

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

妒嫉

妒嫉到底能使一个人有多极端的行为呢？妹妹因为妒嫉姐姐，开始展开了报复行为。她一心认定所有发生在她身上的不幸都是姐姐造成的，包括小时候的被绑架，哮喘病，甚至是男朋友，她认为姐姐都要和她抢。她开始消沉，自甘堕落，并作出一些任何人都像想不到的事情。遗憾的是，最后间接导致她死亡的就是这些她为了报复所作出的行为。

父母

父母的确对子女起了非常大的影响。爸爸乱搞婚外情，妈妈精神状况不佳，加上父母的偏爱，间接引发了妹妹对姐姐的妒嫉，也引发了这一连串无可收拾的残局。

秘密

一个人的心中到底可以隐藏多少秘密呢？

外表vs真实

看似幸福美满的家庭其实一点也不幸福

17岁的结束却等不到十八岁的开始
-爱杀17-

Sunday, November 05, 2006

无论是你和她，或是你和她，我都不应该在理会了
我真的真的真的累了

screw myself
i keep having this urge to tell you how i feel
everything.

alright.maybe not everything.lets just censored away the sensitive part

if only i can be certain nothing will happen if i talk to you
if only i know you will not avoid me even more if i talk to you
if only i can be sure that our already-not-there friendship will not disappear even further if i talk to you

then i definitely will talk to you

come to think of it,i got nothing to lose anyway
i mean theres already nothing left for me to lose
isnt it?

Saturday, November 04, 2006

was reading my old old blog
and im surprised that although time past and ive grown,
many of my viewpoints still stay the same
i guess thats just me
many memories so vivid just came to me as i was reading and reading
some which i have alr long forgotten or have placed at the back of my mind came back to me too
its rather scary actually.
just think of it,im act gaining new experiences everyday while losing those old ones which used to be the center of my life
looking back,those stuff that i was bothered over at that point of time seem so small to me now.
just wondering when will be the day when i look back at now and realised that all im going through,all the difficulties and troubles that i call them are nothing big at all.
i wonder if there will be a day when i forget this feeling of liking you,or even forget who you are.
i dont want the day to come,seriously.
no matter how much miseries you are causing me now,
i want to remember you
i want to keep you in my memories forever
so that twenty,thirty years down the road,when i look back,i still remember these days when you are constantly in my thoughts,being part of my life.

你似乎占据了我整个生活
感性的我常常想你
但理性的我常常想着如何不想你
只是最近感性的我常战胜理性的我
我搞不懂我们到底怎么了?
雨下过以后，是否能让什么复活？
我们之间的友情，到底能否复活？

从今天起，我打算认真地记录下生活中所有值得记得的事情
因为至少很久很久以后，当我感到自己快要把这一切给忘了时，可以仔细地阅读我所写的，从中找的一些快要淡忘的事情。
虽然说，回忆是应该收藏在心里的，但自私的我还是会想把回忆用文字永远保存下来。

但愿blogger永远不会倒闭。
***
青春到底是什么？
-爱杀17-

Thursday, November 02, 2006

i will just let things be how they are now

aftall,i have no rights to want more

edited/
im totally shocked
i never knew its meant to be private anyway

my childhood.
xuezhen//*

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