Saturday, March 31, 2007
one wrong step can literally kill me

i wonder why i did that too

征服自己（黄义达）
穿梭人群里 水泥墙林立往哪去
黑白的电影 播放未来在哪里
我曾问自己 还有谁可以能相信
伤了没关系 我要的只是一个公平
我真的不想要 让黑夜陪我度过这世纪
我奋力将梦打碎 拼凑出属于我最终目的
过去就让它去 不再怀疑 我深深相信
抛开过去 做我自己 坚持到底
我要征服我自己 有我就有奇迹
勇敢就像呼吸 没有人能改变那成功与我的默契
我要征服我自己 有我才有奇迹
展开了坚固的双翼 穿越暴风雨
自信将是我唯一 完美定义
我要征服我自己 有我就有奇迹
勇敢就像呼吸 断绝所有失败
让蓝天自然地来临
风来来去去 雨走走停停远远地
我找到自己征服了自己
是奇迹

im really really very happy for you :DDD
i guess its like a dream slowly coming true before you ah
no matter what,im really proud of you:D

though i felt terrible when i saw her like that

it made me wonder,
一个人到底会为了自己的梦想做出多少事情。
no matter what,its always good to try
if not 梦想永远都会是梦想，
不会有成真的一天。
maybe its time for me to work towards my dream too.

but it will be very very hard
at this present stage,i honestly dont know what i want,perharps just what i like
but im certain i dont do well in what i like to do

Friday, March 30, 2007

i guess im not imaginative enough
maybe im like lady macbeth

and you know what
i guess im not doing well enough.
i told myself i will really really try my very best
and do my very best
but it seems that things are so far,far from my expectations.
i feel that i disappointed quite a number of people,
those who thought that i can do it,
including myself
i just dont want to leave a regret.

maybe im someone who works better with pressure
maybe its just because time is not exactly tight now yet
maybe i will improve lots and by the time comes,i will be doing so fine i will just rock the stage.

maybe THIS is the best way to convince myself that i somehow will be able to do it
its not my fault that i dont have a high self esteem.

no,i mean i have a high self esteem
i will do it
cause i must!

maybe why i am happy with my essay is because some parts of it are actually the truth.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

do you mind telling me whats going on?


Do not fear memories of what you've been through.
do i really have to try?

Sunday, March 25, 2007

just read all my archived gbk entries.
got reminded of a lot of people whom sadly,drifted from me

pingmingbaixing;
i was shocked when i saw the stuff you once signed at my gbk
till today,im still amazed by the fact that i shared so much with you
as in,i dont remember how we even started talking.
(or if i remember correctly,it was a MSN convo like, out of the blue?)
haha!
i wonder how are you now
are you keeping to your promise?
anyway,i guess you already know who that person is already.
so i shall not bother to hide too.
anyway,im fine now.
maybe not totally over it,but at least no longer as affected by it anymore.
and i shall go and tag your board now
to let you know that i left this msg for you:)

and you;
it hurts to see how you signed as - at first and then it slowly became -.
im not sure,but maybe to me,
its a sign that we reallly drifted.
till today,
i still wonder if its because of me.
maybe i should have hanged on
but i guess i was disappointed
although i really did treasure.

and also to you;
im glad we went through all those crap
i guess they bring us closer ah?
we shall continue to be truthful to one another.
just speak out if we are ever unhappy k?
i love you more than words can describe
and we shall still go shopping with our walking sticks:)
<33

obviously,all these are not what i WANTED to blog about initially
nevermind,that post will just have to wait
i shall get back to my books
bye

Friday, March 23, 2007

i guess my longg post will have to wait again.
already have stuff to write about in my mind le
but nah,i shall be a good girl and go do some work first: D

why why why?
why i cannot open so many people's blogs?
:(
stupid blogger.sigh.

time really flies
soon it will be one year already
yes,as i said,
im over already
but i guess theres still a bit lingering now.

i saved it as draft.
guess will pass to you when - comes.

m-m day.

thats all for today.
will have a longgg one tmr:D

Thursday, March 22, 2007

我想我还是算了吧
虽然看着你还是有一点感觉，
但既然没有任何可能，
我还是
算。了。吧。

Saturday, March 17, 2007

maybe you are not that impt to me afterall
at least not in that sense
yesterday i really wanted to go up to you and let you know that i care
but i did not
i guess you dont really regard me as the kind of friend i regard you as
and guess what?
yesterday even when you talked to me,
my heart was not pumping as hard as it used to

Thursday, March 15, 2007

数字 0 总是既可怜又孤单，因为它的数字最小，所以没有别的数字愿意跟它做朋友。虽然 0 也觉得自己没有什么份量，但是它仍然很想要有个朋友。于是，它决定自己出发去寻找。起初，数字 0 遇见了 2 和 3，接着又遇到了其他数字，但是大家都觉得 0 这个数字太小，所以都不肯跟它做朋友，是 0 因此受到很大的挫折。不过，有个数字和 0 一样有着同样可怜的身世，那就是数字 1。1 和 0 一样一直在寻找朋友，但是其他的数字却都看不起它，所以 1 也一直交不到朋友。在一次偶然的机会下，数字 1 遇到了数字 0。0 和 1 互相邀请对方成为自己的朋友，于是两人很快就成为一对相知相惜，无所不谈的好朋友。奇怪的是，当 1 和 0 成为好朋友以后，之前那些看不起它们的数字们，居然纷纷跑来要求跟它们做朋友，因为它们都好羡慕 1 和 0 组成的 10。所以，在 1 和 0 的故事之后，便有一句话这么流传开来，那就是“两个人的力量比一个人强。”

im freaking sick
urgh:/

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

i think im contradicting myself

yes,i know what i done may be wrong
but just stop talking about it please
i just needed something to let me run away from everything
call me irresponsible
im just not a perfect kid
and yes i know i suck at prioritising
you dont have to remind me

sorry if i sounded harsh

***
那一瞬间仿佛回到了从前
十年了，一点都不简单
谢谢

Monday, March 12, 2007

yeoxuezhen;
stop doing this kind of things to yourself
stop acting like a child
be more mature la,for goodness sake

im just upset because i ruined just another chance
i hate the feeling of having hope yet it all came down to nothing
im not upset because i cannot get what i want
its just disappointment

i just want to get into a corner and hide
sorry if im uncontactable these two days

sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrythankyou
i din mean the blackface

Saturday, March 10, 2007

突然有种不想动的感觉
在这样一个天气很热的下午，我只想呆呆地，
什么都不做。

说好听点，
对你的感觉是出自一种习惯。
说难听点，
也许我只是想填补我空虚的生活罢了。



oh,and i really have no more strength to fight a battle like this
i really dont have

One of your relationships is slowly moving to a new level -- and it's okay if you aren't quite sure whether you're totally comfortable with that. You may have been hearing a few alarm bells recently. It's too soon to tell whether there are things to be concerned about, so don't act on your fears or suspicions yet. Just feel what you feel, and give this thing time to assume its new shape. It's very probable that both of you will adjust -- and thrive.

does it include an end to a special feeling?

i hope so

Friday, March 09, 2007

i hope im not wrong about it
but it seems to me that you did try too
and i guess thats good enough

at times like these i really wonder
is it just out of a habit?

Thursday, March 08, 2007

sometimes i wonder when will i be able to give myself a good rest
its no longer physically anymore.
im tired...mentally
its like i really yearn for a break
to that extent sometimes i just wish time will stop
then everyone will just freeze and i will be able to have a
喘气的机会。

努力是因为不服输。

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

im feeling better
at least on the outside
im still not sure about the inside
shall wait and see

Saturday, March 03, 2007

im currently using the computer without a mouse.
how wonderful:/

why is it that whenever i dont feel like talking to you
you will just come online like this
where were you when i actually WANTED to talk to you
sometimes i really wonder what am i in your heart.
will i be more than a hi-bye friend?
that i can never be sure
if only you treasure our friendship half as much as i treasure it before i like you,
i will be more than contented.

yesterday was a tiring day
i never expected myself to just break down like that
i felt stupid
its like i cannot even adapt to such a change
when i went back to -, i looked at all of you with envy
i never knew how much i want to be in a - before im officially not in one.
i kept telling myself: hey!thats where i belong.
tears just came pouring down.
i dont want people to see me as a pampered person who will die without being in -
because i am not such a person.
i just feel that theres where i really belong.
i know it was me who keep saying i want to try something else
i really wanted to
but now i regret
maybe its too early to say that i regret,
maybe i will enjoy myself at the end of the day
but yesterday at that moment,
i was really afraid
i dont want my last - to just end like that
for the past 3 years,it was - that kept me going
making me proud of -
and this year really is my last -,my last year in st nicks,
i really dont want to just spend this year,ending up doing something that i won enjoy
call me selfish
but it really never dawned on me how much i love to be in -.
yesterday in -,i sat there thinking
thinking about the past 3 years(esp the last 2 years)
thinking about all the times i spent with all my fellow - mates,
laughing,crying tgt
playing lame games,
playing truth or dare
having heart to heart talk
having -
i guess all these will never happen this year.
no matter how well things will end up this year,
i guess the feeling will never be the same
it will just be impossible for us to sit down tgt,cry tgt,laugh tgt,
as a family.
no more ranking our brains out for - presents,
no more -,
no more all the gritty details as a -
all the little things that i will miss
i guess i really took the previous 2 years for granted
i just did not appreciate the feeling of being in a -
and i know i never will if such a thing did not happen this year.
people keep telling me to look on the bright side,at least i HAD 2 years.
but its also because of the 2 years that make me more certain that thats the life i want
thats the - i want
now i feel silly for complaining about last year
last year was wonderful
im sorry i wasnt able to appreciate
i know nothing can be changed now
and im really not complaining about what im doing now
just that,nothing will be the same anymore.
even if i get to do the same thing in jc,it won be the same feeling anymore.
noone will understand how much it hurts me to see all of you in your -,
doing all the activities that are so familiar to me
i dont deny,
im jealous.
jealous of all of you who have a -,all of you who are doing the things that i want to do
please appreciate.
im not being a sore loser here crying just because i dont have a -.
its just...my regrets
the days ahead will be tough
and i promise i will try
but things will just not be the same anymore
i guess i really need to learn to control my emotions
i mean,i cannot possibly tear everytime i see all of you in your - right?
but no matter what,
i will not deny that,i still really hope that im in a-.
just because thats the way i want my - to be.

i guess the moral of the story is to appreciate what you have
never take anything for granted.
as cliche as it sounds,
it is really true
i really regretted not learning this earlier
if only i knew i will be not in a - this year,
i will definitely appreciate those times last year,
put in much more effort,
be satisfied with myself and not end up regretting
if only...

give me time to sort out my thoughts
i guess im still not okay

my childhood.
xuezhen//*

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